Change is constant. Change often scares us rather than excites us. Change challenges us to not be complacent. It makes us or sometimes it breaks us.
For the past 3 months change was thrown at me left and right. From the workplace until at home. I have questioned so many times why and what seems to be the greater plan of god that he has allowed these changes to shake my confidence, my esteem and more importantly my faith.

I write now with no answer to any of my questions except a hypothesis.. That with change we grow better, we are able to take a step back and reasses where we are going and what we want in life.
For the last 2 months the only word the seemed constant was goodbye. Had to say goodbye to 5 of the greatest people i’ve met. People whomed for the last year i’ve spent the good and the bad times. People who taught me about work, friendship and about myself. These co-workers were more than colleagues.. We were all friends. Its sad that everyone had to go separately but it all was for the better.

This month, i said goodbye to a very dear friend for 9 years. He was one of the biggest part of my life. This month in a span of 10 days he made me realize so many things. It made me realize that its time to let go.

This month, i had to make one of the biggest decision i had to make, resign from my work. After 1 year and 6 months i finally had the push to resign. My health was badly tested over the last month, had infections left and right. Now i find out i have scoliosis and anemia. Who knows what wil come next?

This month i have to muster up the courage and get better. Find out what i truly want and go after it.
Its time to turn the page and write another one. Its time to end a chapter and start a new one. Its time.

I close this entry with a quote “bring only the past if you’re going to build from it”.
I surely will. :)

Its official.. after 5 months of not speaking to each other.. we finally talked. Its now official that we are no longer friends, civil friends, best friends and exes but just plain strangers. 

After a whirlwind of emotion and a rollercoaster ride of not knowing what to expect and where to draw the line of friendship.. we’ve finally made it official.. we are strangers.

As i wrote earlier.. we are strangers with history..i mourn at the loss of my best friend. Losing someone that special and that important is heartbreaking and at the same time just depressing.

I am so sick and tired of the uncertainty.. if he’ll talk to me or not.. will he take my call or not.. will he reply or not.. does he read my email or my messages? just sick of everything and after this week’s episode i am ready to just move forward.

Like a driver going straight ahead leaving the road behind. I won’t look anymore.. actually i’ve stopped looking.. i’ve stopped looking from the time we stopped talking..a part of me.. the best friend part glances at the side mirror from time to time just to look but at this point, after everything that has been said and done.. its time to just move forward.

Nothing but a clear path and a future I am looking forward too..

Hello world.. im on my way back to keeping my toes on the ground and my heart in tack. No need to get ahead of myself.. i know down the road someone will be waiting and that someone i have already met. :)

Strangers with history! sounds familiar?

i once met someone who was amazing. He would be angry at the world but it was only I who he was sweet too. He was intelligent and cunning and would always make me feel that i was his number 1. That no matter what i was going through he would take care of it as long as i asked.. sometimes i didnt even need to ask. He is beyond words a person that i considered as a treasure in my life. Sadly, somewhere a long the way we forgot the reason why we were friends, we forgot the value of each other in our life, well i forgot. I took him foregranted and kept believing that if it was meant to be it would be. sadly, i learned the hard way that in order for things to happen you gotta appreciate, acknowledge and nurture. I was blinded by my selfish reasons and ambitions that i failed to see what was right in front of me. I failed to see that i was hurting someone already that has devoted so much to me. Here I am writing about him because i want the universe to know that i made a mistake and i am terribly sad about it. I only hoped to have reconciled the friendship or whatever was left of it in a manner that we both did not end up as strangers.

Once he made a video for me as a surprise. Hes the shy type and doesnt really engage in showing his emotions that much but somehow with me he has mastered the courage to do so.. instead of having 1 video he had managed to make 3. :) how delighted i was when i saw them… watching them on bad days made them ultimately the good days.

I’ll share more of these wonderful experience later on :)

How do you try not to text or call me?

How do you not try not to think of me?

How do you just continue day to day without remembering everything that we did?

How does one move forward when everything you think of is the past and what could be?

Nostalgia is one powerful word. How does one do it? 

“I dont hate you, i never could, never will.  but i do regret our relationship because it destroyed our friendhship”

There are times you just want to give up. Give up on people, things, career, job, family, friends not to mention on God. 

Giving up may be the hardest thing to do but often times seems so easy. “To Throw in the towel” as a coach would say but for me giving up maybe far from any option. Today was a really hard day.. hard enough to make me feel that its time to give up. Hard enough to make me feel bad.. hard enough to make me doubt my purpose and my goals. 

It will take more than a few pat on the back and really nice words from friends and loved ones to push me back to my normal optimism. 

Its a shame that after all that i have selflessly given.. i now feel like this. 

Yours,

C

You have been a great part of my life. Your not okay right now but i wish we could go through it together.. Something we have been doing for the last 9 years. This year is different, harder abnd more hurtful. I want to talk to you abd tell you that i am here and il always be here but a part of me wants to tell you that i can only try for so long and that maybe when the time cones that your ready to sit down and talk, i may not be ready. Walking away doesn’t solve anything but i guess its the eaiset way to avoid and deny whats happening. Thank you for walking away.. As i learned that i can do the same. This is me walking away and fully moving on. Thank you.